Party Hardy

Went out last night to a party my friend threw for my sisters birthday….it was pretty fun. Its funny though, I just feel so different then alot of ppl and i feel like not very many people understand me. I used to party alot when i was younger. I went out every weekend but i have never been much of a wild girl. I am quite shy in alot of ways…plus i have a sexy ass man already. Last night was the first time i had been out in a long time and man….i just could not do it all the time. It seems to me that it is all about sex. Chicks get glammed up…and then shake their bodies on the dance floor. I have nothing against sex or dirty dancing…but I have more fun getting drunk and talking. I love conversation..especially deep conversations. I cant get off with just surface shit. Mundane bullcrap about how much of a victim you are is just not gonna get me excited. I love people though and i have always been a fond watcher of the human race. I love to try to figure people out, even though it is quite impossible…cause i dont understand most peoples behaviors. I can see the energy wars that happen though and it is very interesting to watch people getting off on sex and violence, and how people steal each others energy in different ways. In some ways i wish i could be like everyone else but i am also very glad that i am not. I do not think of myself as superiour in any way….just different. For example….I dont have tv, i havent for years. So when ppl contantly make references to tv shows, i have no clue what they are talking about, or i dont find it as hilarious as they do. I love to get out and mingle though, and i can find the good in anyone, so i always have fun and enjoy myself. I love that i can go out and have a good time without haveing to get totally smashed. I feel great today…no hangover! I only had 3 drinks.
It was funny, I got bugged about drinking water instead of booze…i always have water with me and i cannot understand how ppl can function without water, especially when they are drinking alcohol. It boggles my mind that more ppl arent drinking water….do these ppl not realize that they are slowly killing themselves? I dunno, i just cant treat my body that way anymore. I would love if people could really realize that they are the true creators of their experience and if you just stopped and stayed still for awhile you would be able to find your self. Why do some people party all the time? There is like this constant hunger for fun…….
The reason this all interests me so much is because my mom is a partyaholic, she has been for her whole life pretty much. I grew up in an alcoholic environment and i could never do that to my children. (That is a whole nother article!) I see people here going down the same road. I see girls getting way beyond shitfaced, girls who do exctasy for like a week straight and i wonder what they are searching for. One girl said that she was trying to find herslef and i told her, “your right here”. And you really are “right here”, yet we search for ourselves “out there”, we look everywhere but where we really are. Getting drunk and doing drugs are not good ways of finding yourself, because they take you away from yourself…(medicinal plants such as marijuana and mushrooms not included).
There is also a clinging to youth and sex appeal….but we all get older and there is nothing you can do about that. I see my mom and she has definately aged physically but not mentally or emotionally. Its like that constant search for a fun moment, a feeling of bliss, rules her life. I think we all want that but we are not taught that we can create that in ourselves. We need not have alcohol or drugs to feel good. However, we all have shadows, we all have hidden and repressed aspects of ourselves and we all have scars, and these parts must be emraced. If we are to feel good as human beings, we must process our shit. We must be willing to feel the pain, instead of masking it. And once we face the hurt, we can move forward, choose differntly, choose happiness. Happiness only comes from a bottle for so long and eventually your demons will come to call, and if you still ignore them…they will just keep getting louder and more extreme. How many fucking wake up calls do people need? IF you are getting sick, if you feel like shit, you are doing something wrong! Your body is saying stop it! Alot of people cant sit still for very long because when your still, your demons can get your attention and most people do not like that so they go on being busy and ignoring their inner vioces. We ALL have intuition and we all KNOW what we need to do, we are just very good at ignoring it.
I am not perfect in any means, I have my issues, but i try to deal with them. I look to myself for answers, I ask myself questions, “what are my motives?”, “How can i be commpassionate in this situation?”, “how am i contributing to this problem?”, “Why do i really feel angry right now?”, and such……. I realize that there is never anyone or anything to blame but myself because we always have a choice and i know that we only bring into our lives that which we are. If you are angry, you will see anger around you, and you will experience angry situations. If you are loving, you will attract loving situations; People will be nice to you, you’ll attract generosity, and smiles.
I could talk about so much but i am running out of steam for now so…..peace!